Eldridge says I must fight for my heart
That the Enemy primarily attacks my heart because he knows what it can
do.

The fight rages on
My fatigue increases
And giving up begins to look more appealing
What is needed is still

To slow
To quiet
To appreciate
To enjoy

If I can do these four things every moment of everyday, my soul will be
saved
But as soon as I stop, the tide begins pulling me away—out to the
maddening sea, where eventually I will drown

Fault-finding I am.
 I love to place a good blame.
As long as it’s not on myself.

O Lord, where does that come from?
Insecurity?
Anger?
A lack of love?

I cannot hope to correct this
It is too pervasive
Too unconscious
 
Set me free, O God, from laying blame.
For everything from war to the driving of a car.

My prayer for now is simply to become aware of this darkness
And bring it into the light

To slow long enough to notice what this tendency is doing to my heart
and relationships

Unreality is smothered in reality. What we experience as unreality—the
busyness of this life—is rife with reality—the presence of God in this world.
They cannot be separated. We cannot truly escape unreality. The tabloids and
strife of work will always be with us. We may attempt to limit the amount to
which unreality flows into our lives, but it is never utterly turned off. Even
if we escape to the remotest desert to pray and fast, unreality will find us
because it always maintains an entrance into our consciousness in our own
thoughts. Unreality’s yang and bane is always present in reality’s yin. However,
even in the immersion of unreality, we cannot escape reality altogether. Indeed,
thought of pain, love and loneliness will ever live with us. Reality and
unreality have an adverse relationship—like quarrelling roommates. 

Blessed are the poor in spirit
 
Should poverty be a goal? Aren’t we to help the poor? Aren’t we to help
them not be poor?
 
And yet, somehow the poor are blessed.

Poverty means forced humility. It means I must wait for food stamps. It
means when someone gives me money it’s not a token gift. It means having to
pray. It means I have a need to trust.

When I am flat on my back, as the saying goes, I can only look up. As
long as I have anything I can call my own I will resist dependence upon God. The
more I have to my credit, the more I will trust my self.

But in that place when I realize I have nothing-or that I at least
recognize that I lack something, I will be more inclined to call out for
help.

And calling out for help not only to God, but to his people. A life
lived independent of God and my fellow man is the road to hell in this
life.

Indeed, to need is a grace.