To be in need is to love grace
To be filled is to despise it

Reality is that I need, and I should love, grace
The unreality I create bills me as filled

And hardens my heart
So that I cannot need

Dear Christ, I am in deep need
Deep need.
 
Please be gracious to me.
Otherwise, I’ll never make it.

Criticism
It’s just so critical

Received a professor’s criticism of my thesis and it produced
anxiety for me. What if he doesn’t approve of me?

Halfway through I acknowledged the anxiety and embraced it as constructive
Criticism can be constructive or flatly rejected
 
What is in me that prefers to flatly reject it?
Self-preservation

When I should prefer self analysis
Upon analyzing my self recently, I’ve found:

Strong and arbitrary judgment of strangers
A fear of appearing to be a failure

I’ve made progress on the second, but the first is very innate.

The logarithm for temptation
Some have claimed to have cracked

Avoid certain behaviors
Invest in others

And sin will never be appealing
But the math doesn’t add up

You may increase your odds
But in the end, it’s always a matter of the heart

If my heart is right
If it is purely Christ’s

Then good fruit will be unavoidable
I find that being aware of Christ is not natural for me

I must bring about this awareness purposefully
And when I allow the crush of the day to dominate, I am never
aware of him