from the pages of Patrick's
Personal Spiritual Journal
God wants me to learn to pray, I have no doubt.
But how does one transform an infantile life of prayer into one which bears all the marks of "telos"--completion?
I am incomplete. Well educated, but not yet in tune with the great Lesson.
Teach me to pray more than I plan, more than I work in the flesh, more than I speak.
Help my conscious to stream within your flow.
(All entries on this blog are from the archives of my journals. So, the dates reflect the date posted, not the date written. The date of this entry was actually May 16, 2011, just after my graduation with my Masters Degree)
Friday night brought commencement.
Much of it as expected--the hooding, the handshakes, the pictures.
The two awards, however, were quite a shock.
One for church growth.
And one for being a promising scholar.
Only four awards were given (and one was for a counseling student).
I received 2 of the other 3.
The professors said that doesn't happen often, maybe once every 20 years.
For a long time I've felt "almost good enough" professionally. I believe You have used this weekend to remove the "almost" modified. Thank you. I feel freed.
What you have instituted is so large
Are so significant
The intricacy of one simply rock
Speaks of how much you have to offer
How much you continually give
Please help me to not simply be overwhelmed, but also to grasp in part.
How wide, how deep, and how long is your love.
To be happy I have to make myself miserable
I act like I want rest, but when it comes a good day to do so, my mind fights it like an addict crawling back to his fix.
To simply slow, quiet appreciate and enjoy is like hot pokers under my nails.
I don't know how to do it.
I may do it successfully for a time, but the busy, noisy anxious fretful reality always lurks in the background.
Purposeful quiet time helps, but is no magical formula.
Not until my heart totally changes will I be freed from all my self-made oppression.
Please give me a new heart, free me from myself.
Teach me to pray.
Help me to hear your voice.
Lead me into the lush green valley of thankfulness.
Patrick is Routine Revelation. These are entries from his personal spiritual journal. Most entries were written several years before they were published. For more on Rev. Riecke, click here.