Despising Grace

My view of my self may be as significant as my view of
  God.
And I have a view of my self that is utterly dysfunctional. All at once
I am in love with my self and I despise my self.
 But my despise for my self is not humility. It is actually pride. I
despise my self because I am not, in that moment’s estimation, admirable enough
to be loved naturally.
 After all, if I can be loved naturally, I do not require mercy, grace
or forgiveness.
 So I really despise grace when I despise my
shortcomings.

 What must I do? I must embrace my shortcomings as a child embraces
their need for a parent. And allow that need to drive me to my
Father.